Light Kills Santa
by Hiyuusha
Summary: Santa Claus. Known across the world as one bearing gifts. What would happen if he wasn't really so nice and jolly? What happens when Light falls victim... to the LIST.
1. Chapter 1

**Idea and basis credited to _The Grim Reader_****. What would it be like if the elves in Santa's workshop were actually naught children, forced into cheerful slave labor? Someone would have to put down the wicked slaver eventually right? Who better than Light Yagami, self-proclaimed God of the New World?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and I doubt I ever will.**

**Light Kills Santa**

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><p>It was a cold day in Japan. Kira had been making the news, and Misa was away on a performance.<p>

"Just as planned…" Light murmured, snapping a familiar black book shut as he eyed the television.

"Three…two…one…"

The sounds of sudden screams erupted from the videotaped crowd, and they watched as the year's prime candidate for Prime Minister, Judai Koboyakawi fell to his knees as a terrible heart attack struck out at him.

Light laughed. Everything was as it should be. Near and his fellows were dead. All those who opposed Kira had been dealt with. The world was quickly spiraling down the path Light envisioned. There was no L to stop him. No Mello to waste his time divulging the secret of chocolate…. Even the annoying Ryuk had returned to the Shinigami world, claiming he would one day return for apples. It was… perfect.

"Waaah!"

Light scowled in disgust.

Oh right._ That._

About five years after that fateful day, Misa had all but demanded a child from her _God_. Light had wanted nothing more than to kill the girl at that moment, but he had to think of the future. Who would protect his world after he died?

Well, who better than his own child? And with Misa as the mother, it would be the perfect little family to raise the new Kira.

But of course, Light had failed to calculate the most important childhood stage.

That's right, _infancy._

Growling as he turned to his child, named Light Jr., the New World's self-proclaimed God humbled himself, and gave the baby his milk bottle.

"There there Light Jr.," he whispered in the nicest voice he could manage, "We'll need you to be big and strong when you take daddy's place as leader of the New World."

The baby giggled at his antics.

_Good. _The baby was taken care of. Light turned his head back to the news, looking for information on his next victim.

_-North Pole-_

"Work harder you filthy mongrels!" an obese white-bearded man roared as he cracked his whip.

"Aye Aye Captain!" his cheerful slaves, the elves, announced as they packed more and more presents onto his sleigh.

"I have plenty of children to get to tonight!" the man roared, "And you've loaded less than half the sleigh!"

'_Mmm…'_ the man thought, _'it might be best if I get about making some new recruits…'_

He turned his eyes to the monitor before him. It was the electronic LIST, the database that held all information of every child in the world. Whether they were good or bad… naughty or nice… the LIST could determine all that and more in a heartbeat.

"I need…" the man murmured, scrolling down the LIST, "a naughty child…"

His eyes landed on the name Yagami.

"Oh Ho…" the man mused, stroking his beard inquisitively, "a youngin this one is, why, barely two years old and already learning how to kill… that's just no good. You, Light Yagami, have definitely made the naughty LIST."

He turned back to his sleigh. It seemed as though the elves had decided to pick up the pace.

"Ho…Ho…HO…" Santa Claus chuckled maliciously as he pulled on his signature red jacket and fluffy hat, "It's gonna be a very Merry Christmas…."

_-Yagami Household-_

Light suddenly felt shivers go down his spine. As if some ancient evil had suddenly turned its sights on him.

He took another look at his son, whose cheerful red eyes blinked back at him.

'_The eyes of the Shinigami…'_ Light mused, _'What a great God you will be…'_

Chuckling darkly, he made his way back to his room.

He looked at the clock.

11:45 PM. Time to sleep.

Turning off the television and hiding the Death Note, Light fell on his bed.

'_Nothing like killing criminals to put me to rest…'_ he thought, closing his eyes as a peaceful sleep came over him.

_11:55…_

A soft sound tapped on the rooftop, but it wasn't loud enough to wake Light.

_11:56…_

A soft grunt. The sound of the wind maybe?

_11:57…11:58…_

A large man bound across the roof, somersaulting into the chimney expertly as a plume of smoke blew out from his efforts.

Light opened his eyes… perhaps he'd check on Light Jr. one more time…

_11:59…_

Light drowsily entered his child's room, staring at the empty crib in disbelief.

"What the-?"

_12:00_

"HO HO HO!" Santa's voice rang through the house, shocking Light to the core, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"A filthy kidnapper?" Light snarled, "In MY home?"

He grabbed a pen and raced to the living room where he heard the noise. Santa was holding his child sadistically, his hand braced over the baby's face as if preparing to suffocate him.

"Who are you? What are you doing?" Light growled, gripping his pen tightly.

"Hmph, Light Yagami… or should I call you Kira?" Santa mused.

Light's eyes widened in surprise.

'_What? How'd he discover my identity? Did he know L? Is he one of Near's agents? Damn, I thought I dealt with them! No, calm down, there's no way he can know of me… I covered all my tracks… but then why-?'_

"Do I know that you're Light Yagami?" the man finished his thoughts for him, "I've known every act you've done since the moment you were born. I've known just how many times you've killed, how many times you've lied, and how many times you wish you _did_ lie. I know the date you were born down to the very second, I know the number of times you've slept with your wife, and the number of times you've planned on _killing_ your wife. You can say, Light Yagami, that I know you better than you know yourself…"

"Who… who are you?" Light yelled once more.

"Who am I?" Santa asked, his body shining with Christmas magic as he hovered towards the chimney, "Why my dear boy… I'm Santa Claus."

Light could only watch as the man who had turned down all his Christmas wishes whisked his only son away to god knows where.

He clenched his pen in disgust. How could he have forgotten the most important criminal of them all? The one who ruined all his childhood dreams, the one who made him want to kill criminals in the first place?

With a deathly, sickening roar he fell to his knees in despair.

"SAANNTTAA!"

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><p><strong>What do you think? Leave a Review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Well then here's the second chapter. Not sure if it's as good as the first but w/e. Be sure to review!**

**-HY-**

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><p>He slammed the book open. That bastard had the nerve to steal his child… HIS CHILD!<p>

'_Santa Claus!'_ Light scribbled out angrily across the page. There was no way that old man would get away with this.

Light glanced at his clock, soon… soon news of the old man's demise would hit the news and…

But what about the child? In Light's defense, he thought about saving his son an entire minute before deeming him expendable. In his way of thinking, he could just explain the situation to Misa and she'd be more than happy of getting to work on the next Light Jr.

Still, something just kept tugging at the back of Light's mind. As if he knew something was wrong, but couldn't place his finger on just what it was.

Shrugging off the sensation as Christmas Cheer, he returned to his sleep.

It was only two hours later when he heard Santa's final goodbye that he realized what was wrong.

"HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Santa called out from his sleigh, "AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Light scowled.

Santa Claus… also known as Saint Nick… also known as Kriss Kringle… also known as… Grandfather Frost… also known as…

Ah screw it.

Which one was his real name?

Light flipped the Death Note back open, writing down all the names he could think of while keeping that infernal man's face in his mind.

'_Father Christmas, Sion Corn, Pere Noel,'_

'_Damn!'_ he thought, _'There's too many!'_

And even more importantly, he couldn't verify if any of the names were actually _real._ For all Light knew, all the names could just be alias, just like L and Kira. But there had to be some way…

He paused.

What was it that Santa was always associated with? Not presents and cheer but something else… something that all the little boys and girls hoped to never end up on…

Of course… the LIST!

Light closed his eyes, his brilliant mind racing through all the possibilities. The LIST held the name of every child who ever existed. At some point in time, even Santa was a child. Surely his name would be chronicled in the LIST as well!

There was just one problem with Light's plan. To grab the LIST and find out Santa's name, it would require journeying to the magical man's lair itself or...

Light smirked, flipping open his phone and dialing through the many number housed in its abode.

"Mikami…" he dialed up one of the few pawns he could trust in this situation.

"G-GOD?" Mikami sputtered through the phone.

Light smirked, _'Heh, so easy to manipulate…'_ "I need you to do me a favor…"

"Y-Yes God?"

"Get yourself a two-way flight to the North Pole… don't ask why."

"O-Of course my God!" Mikami worshipped, "W-Would that be First Class or Coach?"

"What do you think?" Light mused, "Would God's disciple mingle with his humble followers?"

"O-Of course not!"

"Then First Class it is…" Light smirked.

_Perfect._

-HY-

Mikami scowled as he stared at the rather obvious entrance to Santa's Workshop.

'_Well… he certainly has a flair for the dramatic…'_ he thought, staring at the shining Christmas lights and candy-cane shaped gates, _'Somewhere inside this heap of garbage is this List God spoke of… if I can just get my hands on it…'_

Mikami's eyes gleamed, _'We'll win!'_

It was with great surprise that the gates suddenly opened, offering the prosecutor entrance into the Workshop.

'_Fool…'_ he thought, _'Challenging Kira was your last mistake.'_

He walked through the workshop, waving and speaking to the many elves greeting him as he walked through the workshop.

'_They look so cheerful…'_ Mikami thought happily.

Of course, he'd never think like this normally, but it seemed as though there was some sort of magic cast over the Workshop, affecting everyone within. If it kept up for long, Mikami would soon be lost.

-HY-

Light clicked his tongue in annoyance as he watched Mikami get distracted by the small elves.

'_Damn it Mikami, stay focused!'_ he thought.

The young adult knew that it'd be too dangerous a task for Mikami to send alone, but with Misa away and his other followers too incompetent to follow his directions, Light had no choice but to go himself. Still, it'd be worth it once he saw the dying look on Santa's face.

He held back his urge to laugh as wandered through the workshop quietly, sticking to the shadows as Mikami continued further in.

'_Have a holly jolly Christmas; it's the best time of the year…'_ Mikami thought as he wandered towards the Central Station, where Santa's sleigh was held.

"What's wrong with him…?" Light mused, watching as Mikami seemed to walk with a new spring in his step.

"**He's being affected by the Christmas Cheer,"** Ryuk spoke from behind.

Light's eyes widened at the familiar voice, "You? W-What are you doing back here? I thought you returned to the Shinigami World?"

"**I got bored… and I needed apples." **Ryuk explained, **"Not to mention, you've gotten pretty interesting again. Killing Santa? It doesn't get much better than that."**

"Hmph," Light smiled softly, "I get it… so I assume this Christmas Cheer has something to do with why Mikami's acting so… _happy?_"

"**Maybe,"** Ryuk murmured, **"or maybe's he's finally gone off the deep end, he never really was sane."**

Light narrowed his eyes. It was the same old Ryuk, helpful as ever.

Mikami entered the Station, and Light knew it was time to move.

"Let's go." He motioned to Ryuk, slipping in behind Mikami just before the door closed.

The Station was filled with conveyer belts, broken toys and wooden sculptures flying out for next year's Christmas. In the middle of the room was Santa's sleigh, its paintjob being… well… painted over by the many slaving elves.

"Where's Santa…?" Light mused, glancing around the room for any sign of the bearded man.

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa chuckled joyfully from the top of the stairs, "We've got a whole year to crank out more toys, but that doesn't mean I can see any of you little gremlins slackin off you hear?"

"Aye Aye Captain!" the elves cried obediently as they continued their work.

Mikami stepped before Santa joyfully.

'_Perfect! Now all he has to do is see his name and-!'_ Light paused.

What was Mikami doing? Was he… Was he actually shaking _hands_ with that fat criminal?

"**Looks like the Cheer finally got to him."** Ryuk grinned, **"What will you do now Light?"**

The God scowled, his fists clenching as he glared at the pair.

'_Damn you Mikami… all you had to do was write down his name!'_

"Ho Ho Ho… come on out Light… I know you're there." Santa chuckled cheerfully.

Light's eyes widened as he felt himself pushed towards Santa from behind. Curse those tiny little elves!

"Come to kill me Light?" Santa asked in disappointment, "After everything I've done for you?"

"Everything you've done…?" Light growled, his anger overriding his logic at this point, "You mean leaving me coal every Christmas? You really think I'd appreciate a black rock?"

"I did that to teach you!" Santa shot back, "To help you! To steer you away from the monster you've become!"

"Monster…" Light paused, "This coming from a kidnapper?"

"Your child was _evil_ Light," Santa explained, "and soon he too will be part of the system."

"The system?" Light asked, growing curious as Ryuk continued to cackle behind him.

"**Light…"** Ryuk murmured, drawing his attention, **"I can see it… all these elves… they have human names."**

Light's eyes widened. That wasn't possible… even Santa wouldn't go that far…

"These elves…" Light spoke slowly, "What are they…?"

"The elves?" Santa chuckled, "Why, they're naughty children. Children like you Light. They tried to fight the system their whole lives… and lost."

Light swallowed. Suddenly standing up to Santa's magic didn't seem so simple anymore.

"Why don't you hand over that little of book of yours now?" Santa asked, "It's the holidays, surely you don't need something like that this time of year?"

Hand over the Death Note? No, he couldn't! It was his only weapon… his only defense against Santa!

His hands trembled as he felt the power of the Christmas Cheer slam into him. His hands reached towards his pocket.

"**Kukukuku…"** Ryuk laughed as he watched over the events.

The Death Note trembled in his hands. Santa did have a point. It was the holidays. Maybe he could let it go… just for a week or so…

"That's it… just drop it… let it go…"

Light trembled, sweat forming on his brow as he thought over his decision. If he did this, he'd be leaving himself vulnerable to Santa. Then again, it's not like he had his name in the first place. Hell, Mikami did and even he wasn't able to withstand Santa's power. With one last gasp of despair, Light let the book fall from his hands, its black cover hitting the ground with a thump.

"S-Santa…" Light sputtered out, falling to his knees in panic, "W-What have you done to me?"

Santa laughed cheerfully, "Don't worry my boy. This is just step one of your rehabilitation."

"G-God…" Mikami murmured, "We've…"

The sound of a baby giggling cut them all off.

Light turned his head to the side, spotting his child looking at Santa Claus happily.

Santa chuckled, "See Light, even your child understands."

"Y-You…" Light growled.

Santa turned back to Light, "You're so uptight, why don't you loosen up a little? Go back to playing tennis? You were pretty good…"

The sound of slow, _dreadfully_ slow writing cut them off once more.

Light swung his head back to the Death Note in shock. It wasn't Ryuk, and Mikami was under the Christmas Cheer as well… so who?

Light could've died. It looked like he wasn't the only fast learner in his family.

'_Did he see it?'_ Light thought, staring at the writer in shock, _'Ryuk confirmed he had the eyes… so did he-?'_

Santa stared at the writer in shock. How could it be? It just wasn't possible. It was never heard of! Never!

But it was. Baby Light… sitting behind the Death Note, slowly scribbling the tiny symbols he saw floating above the fat man's head.

"S-Stop!" Santa shouted, but it was too late. The baby giggled once more, dropping his crayon to ground as he clapped his hands together childishly.

Light swung his head back towards Santa, too shocked to speak. If his son had done it correctly… if he had used the Death Note correctly…

_Five… Four… Three… Two… One…_

Santa made a funny face, clutching his heart in pain as it suddenly stopped beating. The magic of the Workshop suddenly shorted out, and the conveyor belts came to a screeching halt as the elves swiveled around to gaze at their leader.

He was dying.

Santa fell to his knees as his hand clutched over his heart, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as milk and cookie crumbs foamed from his mouth. Three seconds later, he slumped to the floor dead.

Mikami couldn't believe it. Light Sr. couldn't believe it. Ryuk laughed. Looks like the name Light Yagami was destined to be attributed to interesting occurrences after all.

No one expected that a baby would be the one…

To kill Santa Claus.

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><p><strong>And so it ends. Like I said, Light killed Santa. It just wasn't the one everyone expected.<strong>


End file.
